The whole goal of this October was to post a book review everyday for the month. This was decided back in mid-September when the idea first occurred to me. Everyone voted on Instagram and it was a done deal. So far, I’ve gotten about halfway (about 14 book reviews in a row).
But, I have to call it quits. I hate that I have to call it quits. I don’t quit. I follow through even if I’m hanging on by threads. So, it’s a painful call, particularly for my pride, but one I have to make.
It’s not that I think this challenge is impossible. It definitely is possible. But, I think it’s most doable for those who aren’t tied down by major obligations (young kids, school, 16-hr work days, the like).
One reason I’m calling it is because The Cozie Shop was way more successful than I thought it would be this month. I’m swamped with your guys’ orders and loving every second. However, my priority is going to be you all that placed orders and everything else comes after. Quality is important to me. Timeliness is important to me. Doing a fantastic job on anything you all put a single cent towards is important to me. So, it takes precedent. In hindsight, I should’ve picked one or the other: launch a new product OR do the book challenge. Honestly, I thought this product launch (aka Harry Potter scarves) would only be doing an ounce as well as it’s currently doing. I mean, good “problem” to have, but it’s all part of the reason why I’m calling the October Book Review Challenge.
The biggest reason, however, is Sam’s health. I don’t talk about him much because I don’t want to plaster him all over the Internet. A sense of privacy is important to Josh and I. But, he probably has seemed fine to you all. He’ll pop up on my Instagram stories here and there. Maybe a photo every once in awhile. The truth is that he is not well. He’s a sick baby. He’s been a sick baby since I was pregnant with him.
I think we thought that once he was born, he’d start to heal and that would be that. That’s not the case at all. One of his most recent diagnoses (because he has multiple) is failure to thrive. He just went a 3-month span without gaining weight. He even lost weight at one point and we fought tooth and nail to make him gain the weight back, which took a month. As of this moment, his doctors are planning to hospitalize him come mid-December if things don’t start to look up. The reason for this is more complicated than not gaining weight, but I’m not going to get into that right now.
The vast majority of my day is taken up by trying to get him healthy. Trying many different tactics and techniques. He’s on some medication to help his condition. Some days they work, other days they’re useless. He has more specialists working on his case than I’ve met in my entire life. He’s in the doctors office once a week. He even has doctors coming by Josh’s work to pop by, check-in, and take notes on how Sam has been fairing that week (since we see different doctors every week, some don’t see him weekly). They do this because Sam is an important patient to them and they’re truly phenomenal individuals.
Every ounce of our energy that isn’t spent working is spent trying to keep Sam out of the hospital. We’re not always successful. He had to go to the ER in early September when he got that flu just to be sure he didn’t become too dehydrated (which can lead to loss of blood volume and become more serious very quickly in cases like his).
It’s gotten to the point where I do want to talk specifics about his condition (especially if anyone else lives with it and can give us insight), but I’ll do that in a separate post. For now, when I’m quiet on Instagram or Twitter or here, it’s not because I’ve thrown it all out the window and forgot about people (aka you). It’s because Sam is sick. Really, really sick. And I’m just trying to make it through my day without breaking down because there is a special kind of heartache that comes when you have to watch your kid be in so much pain and struggle so hard while knowing that, sometimes, the best you can offer is a tight hug, lots of kisses, and “I love you”s.
Anything bought at The Cozie Shop is still going to make it to you all. Making and creating is my outlet. I need to do it for the sake of my sanity so it always gets done. It’s just the Internet stuff that may take a backseat once in awhile.
I do want to say, though, a huge “thank you” to everyone who has written into us over the months since Sam was born. It means a lot (and I mean a lot) to us when you all reach out like that. This can be a lonely, scary experience and it means everything that you take time out of your day to send over some kind words of encouragement and love. It’s amazing to know that Sam has an entire community sending him thoughts, prayers, and love.
So, lots of love to all of you. I’ll be around.
PS: If any of you pull off an entire month of reading a book everyday, tag me, email me, send it my way. I love seeing you all soar like that and you know I’m always keen on more book recommendations!