The #CoupleGoals and #RelationshipGoals hashtags on Instagram is teeming with images of loving, happy couples in the midst of whirlwind romance. While that can be part of healthy relationships, they’re usually missing a big piece of what being in a great relationship is actually like.
Every relationship experiences ups and downs. Not every day is going to look or feel like an Insta-worthy moment. That’s okay. It doesn’t have to be.
The true goal is to be able to live a life and create a relationship that feels good and fulfilling overall. I’m walking you through several goals and aspects of healthy, thriving relationships that are real #CoupleGoals.
1. Having emotional attunement with each other.
Being emotionally attuned to each other is one of the key factors to a healthy, thriving relationship.
What is “emotional attunement”? In short, it’s being intentionally aware, receptive, and considerate of your partner’s emotions, experiences, and perspectives.
It’s being emotionally “there” for your partner. It’s recognizing when they’ve had a long day and then following up with a response that makes sense for your partner.
It’s also asking open-ended questions about where your partner is emotionally and what they need in the moment. When you ask questions, you’re able to become better at being emotionally attuned with your partner.
Emotionally attuned couples are couples that are plugged into each other. They tend to experience their relationship on a much more positive level than emotionally unattuned couples. Their fights are approached as a team evaluating a situation. Their intimacy is typically more involved and frequent.
Essentially, emotionally attuned couples have an overall better relationship than those who struggle connecting with each other.
2. Creating and respecting healthy boundaries.
The idea of setting boundaries when trying to get close to someone can feel counterintuitive. However, it’s as I always say, boundaries are not about building walls; they’re about building bridges.
Boundaries ensure that both people in the relationship can feel emotionally safe. This sense of safety and comfort is the real gateway to intimacy and a loving relationship that thrives.
If you want to read more in-depth about setting effective, loving, and healthy boundaries with your significant other, start with these articles:
- How to Set Boundaries
- How to Set Boundaries in Your Relationship
- 6 Signs You’re Lacking Boundaries in Your Life
- 9 Boundaries to Set for Your Best Relationship Yet
3. Everything is on the table.
There are no secrets. There are no hidden agendas. There are no taboo topics.
While privacy is respected and given with ease with content couples, it’s not abused to attempt to manipulate or hide from the other partner.
Everything is able to be discussed in these healthy relationships because the couple views each other as a safe space to be themselves. This means each person creates space for the other to show up and exist as themselves while maintaining their personal boundaries.
What does that exactly look like? No one is trying to control the other person’s emotions or reactions. No one is taking on emotions and/or experiences that are not their own. Both people are taking responsibility for their roles in situations and in the relationship. Both people have mutual respect for the other’s emotional state.
Every topic can be on the table because the couple comes from a place of mutual inclusivity and compassion.
4. The relationship is 1 couple made by 2 individuals.
The healthiest, most content couples are strong individuals in their own right. Neither are sacrificing pieces of themselves in order to remain in and maintain the relationship.
While it’s a romantic notion to imagine a deeply committed couple as one entity and person, it’s more realistic to view the couple as a team comprised of two individuals.
Yes, this is a unity to a deeply committed relationship. There are many situations where the couple will act together, from simple tasks like grocery shopping to more serious decisions like buying a home or managing in-laws expectations. However, that togetherness stems from both individuals’ perspectives being considered in the whole decision.
In addition, individuals in thriving relationships tend to have lives outside of the relationship. They will have individual interests, hobbies, daily care routines, preferences, and friendships outside of the relationship. These are all healthy aspects that allow the couple to not become overly enmeshed.
5. You both stay a team through anything and everything.
Through challenges, changes, and hardships, the couple remains steadfast. The relationship becomes a place of rest during these times, not a battleground.
During times of relationship and life stress, the couple turn towards each other to tackle the problem together. There is no “me vs. you” mentality. Instead, they shift to “us vs. the situation” where the goal of fights and difficult conversations is to land on common ground and solutions, not to “be right” or point fingers.
If you’re not sure how to get there, read this article about fighting fair and what it looks like to fight as a couple in a productive way.
If you want to read even more about healthy, thriving relationships, check out this article about what a healthy relationship looks like.
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