I’ve been struggling with Instagram recently, to be honest. Typing that out, it seems so ridiculous. Instagram was created to be a fun photo diary! Originally, that’s how it was being used. But now, it’s this mega platform where you’re constantly expected to entertain, especially when you’re in my line of business.
It’s become a place of comparison. It’s become a place that instead of keeping up with the lives of our loved ones, suddenly we’re found wanting to keep pace with travel bloggers and curate an obscene amount of clothes, shoes, and accessories from fashion posters. The average every day is no longer acceptable. Everything must be new! Everything must be super exciting! Everything must be on trend! Who cares if it’s fun or if you even want to do it as long as it’s Insta-worthy?
It’s not just Instagram creating this need for perfection. Pinterest is up there. Facebook has been guilty of this for awhile. And, a couple years ago when people started voicing their concern, the mantra “don’t compare your life to someone’s highlight reel” came into focus. It still holds true. We are seeing people’s highlights. No one is going to announce that they spilled all their coffee and then was late to a major meeting, which pissed off their boss.
However, these “highlights” have created an air of inauthenticity. It’s toxic air and we breathe it anyway because the line between “real” and “fake” has been blurred, hard. What used to be a “highlight reel” has now become a place of specifically curated moments. That’s a fancy way of saying people are faking it. The photos of people walking across the street are cute and I love them, but I also know that they’re not candid but perfectly posed when the cross traffic was (hopefully) at a stop.
I like my job. I was just telling Josh the other day that I’m a “maker”: I get my joy from creating things like writing, knitting, crocheting, needlepoint, photography. Part of my job is creating scenes that tell a story. That’s what you see on Instagram: What can I capture to visually tell this story? So, no, those shots are not candid. The most candid shots on my feed are when I’m interacting with our dogs or our baby or our friends. That specific moment in time is most likely candid. What is not candid is how the blanket is laying, what objects are in the scope of the lense, the lighting, the editing, my hairstyle, my outfit, etc. You get the point.
It’s easy to make a pretty picture, but that doesn’t automatically mean a pretty life. I want to give you some pointers on how to not let this all mess with you because it can and it can sneak up on you. You’re having fun one moment, pop onto Instagram or Snapchat or whatever (because FOMO), and suddenly you feel like your “fun” is lame and if you’re not documenting allll that fun, then it doesn’t count and everything sucks.
This is such a hard way to live and these feelings can fly under the radar for a long time because everyone feels them on some level. The problem with everyone being in the same boat one way or another is that it normalizes feelings that are plaguing us. So, here are some ways to hold onto your sanity and not play into the toxic side of social media.
1. Keep some things private.
I don’t post everything on the Internet. Not even close. I’ve already decided that, at large, I’m keeping Sam off the blog. He’s made a couple appearances and I’ve talked about him here and there since he had such a rough start and so many of you were pulling for him. Honestly, this blogging family feels like that: family. Yet, there are tons of photos that you all will never see and that have ended up in traditional photo albums. We don’t even post all our photos on our private Facebook pages. We also have home videos that will never go beyond close friends viewing them.
It’s okay to put your phone away when you’re having a “moment”. In fact, chuck it out during those special times. Just enjoy the wedding without whipping out your Insta Stories. Spend time with friends without snapping the experience. Be with your kids as they play instead of trying to catch them “candid” for an Instagram or Facebook post.
Let yourself have moments screen-free. Let yourself keep them to yourself instead of broadcasting them. You don’t need the validation from strangers to think a moment was good or great. Decide it for yourself and cherish it.
2. Unfollow the masses.
Why do you follow someone on social media? Do they make you feel good about yourself? Do you get immense value out of them? Do they have good things to say?
It’s not even about whether or not you know someone in person anymore. If you’re following someone on social media and after they post, you’re looking at your life like it’s not good enough anymore, then you need to unfollow them. Hell, unfollow me if I ever make you feel that way.
Your house is fine. Your wardrobe is fine. Your life is fine. You don’t need all those fancy things to be happy. In fact, you need very few things to be happy and, more often than not, they’re not “things” at all. The greatest forms of joy are not going to reside in the new shoes and a pretty dress.
3. Realize when you’re being sold to.
Like anything that becomes large, social media can now be yielded to make an income. I’ll openly admit that I do sponsored posts. I do get paid for them. At this point in the game, the industry standard is $1 per 100 followers. Even though I have some recent sponsored posts, I’ve cut down on sponsored posts in the last year because I prefer to make my Instagram more about my day-to-day and blog than products to find, which is all good and well. Does that mean a big pay cut? Yes, but what makes this work worth it for me is interacting with you all on an honest and real level, not my potential paycheck. I definitely follow some accounts because they are highly focused on products and they have good finds. It all depends on that person’s goals and no shade either way.
However, it’s part of our creative process and job to make the ads and sponsored posts blend in. It’s not supposed to be an eyesore because no one would want to see that in their feed and no curator would want their own feed sacrificed for it. Thus, it’s easy to skim and not even realize that you’re being sold to. That blogger may actually like that eye cream and use it all the time. Or, they could’ve been paid a pretty penny. You won’t really know unless they decide to fess up.
All-in-all, put on your critical thinking cap when it comes to Facebook and Instagram. If you see something you like, tag it for later. Read some reviews on the site. Overall, know that you’re still a delightful soul without said product and you don’t need it to make your life interesting and wonderful.
4. Understand this: Your life is your own.
Everyone is on their own path. It’s easy to feel like someone is living the better life if you’re chilling on the couch after the week from hell, watching somebody’s Insta Stories about Paris for the umpteenth time. But, your life is great, too.
Something that’s not shouted from the rooftops, but should be, is that your life doesn’t have to be this constant visage of entertainment and excitement to be great. The greatness, the joy, the moments are all in the little things. It’s okay to live your daily life.
Remove the lense of Instagram from your daily tasks and, suddenly, that pressure and stress that you may or may not have realized was looming over you is gone. Nobody needs the pressure of perfect. Life is hard enough without criticizing the state of our home or our romantic life or our closet. Just enjoy where you’re at and where you’re going.
5. Just delete the damn thing.
When all else fails, just delete those apps. Life has happened without them. Life will continue without them.
Some of my best memories were when I had no cell service. Before iPhones became huge, often when I traveled, I’d leave my phone off in my bag for weeks on end. The only reason why I even took it with me would be to contact family when I took off and landed at the airport. It was such a freeing experience.
If you’re scared to make a commitment to delete, you can try it for a week. The apps can always be re-downloaded. The accounts can always be reactivated. But, if you’re really struggling or just want the damn break, delete, delete, delete.
Don’t let yourself be held hostage by things that don’t serve you. If you feel like social media is leeching the joy out of your life, then get off of it. Delete the accounts that make you feel less than. Don’t hand over your worth to a tiny app. You’re better than that. You’re more deserving than that. Live a good life, be a good person, and don’t worry about the rest.
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