“What’s wrong with me?”
When most people ask this question, they’re not asking for a diagnosis. They’re looking for a “why”.
Why did they leave? Why are you not a priority? Why are you getting dealt such shitty cards? Why are you not lovable? Why do you suck?
And, most people will jump to answer “Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you!”
But, I have a different theory.
Something’s wrong and it may not be what you think. Let me explain.
The short answer:
You’re experiencing a lot of stress.
The body is not designed to experience a large amount of stress for prolonged periods of time.
When that happens, several other things start to happen.
For one, we don’t really adapt to that level of adrenaline and cortisol. So, to make up for it, our brain chemistry starts getting out of sorts (to put it lightly).
We start experiencing stronger levels of anxiety and depression, which can lead to panic attacks, losing sleep (or sleeping more), appetite issues, and disorientation.
We can even start to experience physical pain, like backaches and headaches, for no known medical reasons. (Always check with your doctor first though.)
On more of a mental- and emotional-level, we start encountering more self-doubt, insecurities, fear, hopelessness, anger, and awfulizing self-talk.
So, is something inherently wrong with you as a person? Absolutely not. You deserve love. You deserve good things. You deserve peace.
So, why does it all feel wrong anyway? Stress.
But, really, this is the short answer. If you want to know where to go from here, keep reading.
I figured it out (and I know you can, too): Click To TweetLet’s get into the really good stuff…
First things first: You have to sources of stress. Your two primary sources of stress are your internal environment (your mind) and your external environment (your life).
YOUR INTERNAL ENVIRONMENT AND YOUR MIND
Your mind matters. It’s the only place you’ll ever be your entire life. You live there 24/7.
When it feels like there’s something wrong with you, as a person, it’s usually because there is something wrong.
You are not wrong. But, the story you tell yourself in your mind can make it seem that way.
Let’s break it down:
- You’re battling low self-worth. When you feel like you are what’s wrong with your life, it’s hard to feel love for yourself. It’s hard to even imagine what it would be like to value your own life. A great deal of the time, when we feel like we’re wrong as a human being on this planet, it can be chalked up to a nearly non-existent sense of self-worth.
- You’re having some strong negative self-talk. This goes along with the previous point. If you don’t value yourself, you’re not spending a lot of time in the Self-Love Department. Instead, you’re usually beating yourself pretty badly and telling yourself things you would never say to a stranger on the street. You have a chance to pivot now. What would you tell your 5-year old self right now in this moment? Reflect on that and then head here to find even more ways to begin to love (or at least like) yourself.
- You’re holding yourself hostage to your past. You are not the sum of the things that have happened to you. Your story is not defined by what others did or didn’t do because of you. Your traumas, your nightmares, and your personal hell experiences are not the totality of who you are and what you have to bring to this world. You may have had some horrible days, but you can’t hold yourself hostage to that. You deserve to move on and feel hope again.
The secret to getting rid of this “What’s wrong with me?” feeling entirety lies completely within your power. You are in total control of it. All you need to do is change your mind.
Easier said than done. Always. Worth it? Definitely. Possible? Oh, yes.
I can try to go into detail here about how to completely flip around your internal environment and mind into something radically different than where it is right now. But, I don’t think I can adequately provide that info in just a couple of paragraphs.
Instead, I’m going to leave a handy list of even more in-depth articles for you to delve into when you’re ready to live your best life:
- 10 Important Things to Remember When Life Gets Hard
- How to Set Boundaries
- How to Reparent Yourself
- 10 Ways to Self-Soothe When Life Gets Hard
- 7 Ways You’re Sabotaging Yourself (and How to Stop)
- 10 Ways to Boost Confidence in 10 Days
- How to Know When to End a Relationship
- How to Handle Criticism
- This is What Real Self-Care Looks Like
- 7 Limiting Beliefs That Are Holding You Back
- 10 Ways to Reduce Stress During Busy Seasons
YOUR EXTERNAL ENVIRONMENT AND YOUR LIFE
Your external environment is everything that happens outside of your mind. It’s your life.
We are heavily influenced by our life circumstances. Even those of us who have immense mental flexibility and resiliency will struggle when life hits hard with challenges and painful situations.
In some cases, it can feel like life keeps getting the best of you. You’re not even fulling standing again before you get thrown another punch. It can feel as though your in a rip tide of shitty circumstances.
It’s hard.
Painful things are meant to hurt. They’re meant to be hard. You’re not being ridiculous to be stressed about challenges, no matter how minor they may seem in hindsight.
These are some common external environmental stressors:
- Your family and friends. If you’re loved ones are having a hard time, you can end up feeling pretty helpless. If those who are supposed to love you the most are giving you a hard time, being cruel, abusive, and/or manipulative, you may start feel hopeless and feel like there’s “no way out”.
- Your life has been challenging. Life is rarely a free and easy-going experience. However, there can be times where it’s particularly rough. It can leave you feeling like you’ve done something to deserve it. (Spoiler: You don’t deserve bad things.)
- You’re experiencing a lot of change. Even a lot of change on a small scale is enough to send anyone through the ringer. Humans are ironic in a sense: change is necessary for life and to be expected, yet our brains are wired to fight hard against change. I did a little post about that here if you want to read more.
- It’s a grief anniversary. Grief anniversaries tend be dates when something painful in your life happened. Death of a loved one. The day you broke up with your significant other. The day you left home. Grief anniversaries can be for anything that causes you pain.
Your external environment is something you rarely have control over, which can make it that much more stressful.
Instead of focusing on things that are outside of your control, focus on what’s within your power: how you feel about things, the way you take care of yourself during these times, what you give your energy to.
Creating a positive internal environment (your mind) is going to be the key to feeling like you can thrive in your external environment (your life).
Wrapping it up
You’re feeling this “What’s wrong with me?” feeling because there is something wrong. But, it’s not you. You are not the “wrong” thing.
To put a cap on this, I want to offer one last insight:
If you grew up in a home where you constantly felt like you were a burden or that you had to manage your parents’ emotions or act as an emotional life raft in any way, your default when you start experiencing negative emotions is probably self-blame and self-loathing.
That’s the fancy way of saying that you are wired to feel this way in this moment about what you’re going through.
You’re not screwed. You’re not damaged. You’re not stuck.
It just means that you need to do some rewiring.
When you’re ready, I have a guide that will walk you through the whole process and help you navigate this. You can find this guide here.
