In school, friends came easy. We saw the same people nearly every day for years. Some of those people became fast friends and the perfect buddies.
When you become an adult and go out into the “real world”, it’s not always that simple. Now, if you want friendship to be deep and fulfilling, you have to be more intentional.
Long-lasting friendships are built on mutual respect, trust, and love for each other.
Great friendships are one of the most important things in life when it comes to prosperity. Thus, it’s understandable why you would want to build long-lasting friendships.
I’m walking you through several ways you can turn your friendships into long-lasting, fulfilling friendships.
Hold space
The term “hold space” is one that is becoming more and more popular. But, what exactly does it mean?
When you “hold space” for someone, you’re creating a space in your life for them to experience their feelings and situations without judgment or attempts to change it (or them). When you hold space, you’re listening to the other person to hear them and seek understanding and compassion.
How can you do this with your friend? Here are some key ways to hold space for them:
- Ask clarifying questions. These questions come from the intent to understand and have compassion, not to judge or push an agenda.
- Respect boundaries set around certain situations. If the person asks for space, give it to them graciously and wait for them to tell you when it’s okay to interact again.
- Don’t rush the process.
- Ask how you can support them and do so (within reason).
- Avoid giving advice or offering a solution unless specifically asked.
- Refrain from criticism, judgment, and/or attempts to change their situation.
Keep in touch
One of the most common ways people lose friends is by not staying in touch.
Sure, there are friendships that run so deep that they can go a few months with no contact and be fine. Those friendships have usually been developed over years and are mutual in the lack of frequent contact.
However, in most cases, any lack of contact lasting longer than 6 months to a year could be a sign that your friendship is on the way out.
Staying in touch is easy and does not have to be complicated. It can be as simple as a “how are you?” text to having a weekly or monthly hang out time.
Some easy ways to stay in touch:
- Send messages to each other via text, Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, etc. a few times a week.
- Share something with them that made you laugh and/or think of them.
- Have a weekly catch-up coffee date.
- If you live in different cities, make plans once a year to meet up in-person if you’re able to.
Accept that change is inevitable
Long-term friendships will see a lot of change. Authentic friendships will be open to it.
People are constantly evolving as they grow, react to their environment, get new jobs, learn new things.
The statement “You’ve changed” shouldn’t be made out of fear or disdain. Instead, it should be expected.
This is why holding space for each other is important. Accepting and expecting change gives you both room to grow and progress in life while still caring for each other.
Stay vulnerable
Surface-level friendships are rarely fulfilling. They tend to feel generic and disingenuous.
How do you form an authentic, deep, and meaningful friendship?
By being vulnerable.
We all have chapters of our story that scares the crap out of us, that makes us question pieces of our lives, that are kind of embarrassing, and that definitely did not make our social media highlight reel.
Long-lasting friendships are relationships built on mutual trust. That trust builds over-time, particularly through moments of vulnerability.
Vulnerability doesn’t just have to be giving a run-down of your past or your history. It can be coming to your friend in the here and now in a time of need. It can be sharing your true feelings about a situation with your friend. It can be coming to your friend for insight and perspective.
Be open with ways you can be more vulnerable while staying true to your needs and boundaries.
