Josh and I have been married for a little over 2 years now. We talk all the time about how fortunate we are to have found each other so early in life. We met when he was 18 and I was 19. Married at 23 and a baby at 25! Altogether, we’ve been by each other’s side for 7 years. My favorite journey in life has been with him.
A question that we get frequently is how we knew that the other person was “the one”. There wasn’t a magical or mythical moment. It was truly the realization that I didn’t want to live a life without him. I didn’t come to that realization until the reality of him moving across the country was staring us down. It was that moment that I knew he was my person.
We had multiple conversations about getting engaged and married several months before it happened. Those conversations also included what we wanted to do with our individual careers, our plans for kids, and, essentially, our plans for life. Those conversations were important because it allowed us to align with each other and get excited about the future.
By the time we got engaged, it wasn’t a surprise for us. We had discussed it so much at that point that we were just excited to be moving forward into the future together! The months we spent engaged are easily some of my most fond memories as we got to focus on deepening our relationship and saying vows to each other. And now, two years after getting married, I feel like my soul intertwines more with his every day.
Regardless of where you are in your relationship, there are certain points that can help you determine if your significant other is “The One” for you to spend the rest of your life with. Here are a few:
You can’t imagine a future without them.
When you start planning your future, it always includes your significant other in the picture. In fact, you make accommodations to include them. For example, you think about taking that European vacation and you also think about what you and your loved one could do together.
It’s so second nature to imagine a future with them that you don’t even have to actively think about it. In fact, upon reading this, you had to actively imagine what a life without them would even look like because you have no idea and you have no desire to find out.
They're there for you during the most heartbreaking times. They're excited about your success and your dreams. They're your person. They're your partner through life. Click To TweetThey believe in your dreams almost as much as you do.
This is vital. It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, you can’t be with someone who doesn’t support you. If they’re constantly belittling your dreams or scoffing and telling you to aim for something “more realistic”, ditch them. Seriously. You don’t need to be tied to someone who doesn’t want to go on an adventure with you.
Your significant other should be excited by your goals and enthusiastic about seeing you achieve them. There’s no room for jealousy. They’re strategizing with you and checking in to see if they can help you get there. They’re a true partner in your life.
They want to be committed.
This is a big one people usually miss out on. It seems to be the most obvious. Wouldn’t they obviously be fine with commitment if they’ve been in this relationship for months or years or even decades? That’s not always true, however, and it’s important to know where they stand.
Some people are fine with a long-term commitment that doesn’t involve marriage. Some people have boundaries and/or dealbreakers that aren’t obvious. For example, do they want kids? How many kids? That number can be very different than your number. I highly recommend reading this article that’s full of discussion points for you and your significant other so all your bases are covered!
You’ve both talked about it.
You can’t expect people to read your mind. Not even the person who’s supposed to know you the best. Marriage doesn’t just happen. You don’t just fall into a casual decade (and more) long relationship. It’s much more intentional than that.
If you want to get married, speak up. If you want your partner to be on the same page as you, then you need to invite them into that conversation. It’s okay to take charge, especially if you’re a woman. As women, we’re always told to wait and let “the man” take charge. It’s totally absolutely 100% A-OK if you want take charge in leading the conversation. If someone, man or woman, breaks it off, then they weren’t in it for commitment to begin with.
