Jealousy is a natural human emotion. It’s as natural as feeling joy, sadness, anger, excitement. However common it may be, it still brings a certain level of shame to our lives.
When it comes to our friendships, jealousy can be a particularly ugly green-eyed monster. We may recognize it immediately when it comes around or it may take us time to understand the depth of what’s happening. Either why, if left to its own devices, it can quickly sour a friendship.
Like I said previously, it’s natural and okay to feel jealous. It’s not something to hide from. It’s something to explore. This is an opportunity to get to you and your friend better. I’m going to show you how with these tips.
Vow right now to stop comparing yourself.
The biggest culprit of jealousy? Comparison. It’s so easy to do with friends. After all, we’re surrounding ourselves with like-minded people. So, should’t we be like them? Shouldn’t we also be succeeding at the same rate? Experiencing joy and prosperity at the same rate?
Not at all. Even if you feel like you and your friends could be like twins with your life paths, that does not mean that you are obligated to keep up or stay on that path.
You are a unique individual. Just because they are talented in areas you struggle with does not mean that you do not have your own set of unique talents.
You bring something important to the table. Just as each of your friends bring something special to your life, you return it in kind by being you.
Who cares if your friend just scored a promotion and you haven’t had a pay raise in 3 years? Who cares if your friend just got engaged when you’re going from bad date to bad date?
Life is much easier and more enjoyable when you celebrate, instead of condone, other’s accomplishments as your own and celebrate yourself like you matter because you do.
It's natural and okay to feel jealous. It's not something to hide from. It's something to explore. Click To TweetPractice bringing joy into your life.
The solution to absolving your life of jealousy is not have the other person change, but you to change. Spoiler: This sounds scarier than it is. It’s not easy, but it’s manageable. You are so capable of doing this piece, so hang tight.
The first step you have to take is to stop victimizing yourself. Your life is not happening to you out of maliciousness. You are not a magnet for everything awful. You are not doomed to suffer all of your days, watching everyone else get good while you’re left behind.
That is the victim mentality and, damn, is it strong. There’s no better way to ruin a good life to think you’re owed something more. Harsh, but true.
How does one stop victimizing? A couple of ways.
Realize that your life is your own. You have the ultimate end-say in your life. You hold the reigns. You have the power. You can make any and all decisions about you. So, take risks and decide that, no matter the outcome, you are on the right path.
Release control. This will feel counterintuitive. Despite the amount of power we have over our own decisions, we have very little to no control over the universe and the curveballs that will be thrown our way. Everyone gets shit on in life. Some people may be better at hiding it, but the world is not out to get you specifically. It’s just that nobody broadcasts all the things that go wrong.
So, it can feel isolating when things aren’t going your way. One way to feel better about this situation is to relinquish the idea that you have control over the outcome. Essentially: detach yourself from the outcome. Whatever is meant for you will come for you. Whatever is not will pass you by and that’s okay.
Change your attitude to gratitude.
A questions that I will often ask people who aren’t feeling their best and are struggling is when was the last time they practiced gratitude? It doesn’t have to be some big ordeal. Not in the least.
Start simple. Every morning, begin by writing 3 things you’re grateful for. If you’re really having a hard time with it, start with your absolute basics. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have clean water? Have you eaten this week? Did you wake up this morning? (Sure hope you did, otherwise you reading this would 100% freak me out.) These are all things to be grateful for.
No, maybe you don’t make anywhere near what your friend makes. Maybe they’re having babies and you haven’t had a viable date since your friend set you up with that one weird guy. Maybe you even feel like your friend is the more popular and loved the most out of the friend group while you’re feeling left out.
All of those things may be true. The goal is not to discredit the beliefs leading to the jealousy. The goal is show yourself that there’s so much more than just those limiting beliefs.
Don’t be afraid to go deep with your gratitude. You have talents. You have a purpose. You are important. You are worthy of good things.
Let’s reflect:
Before wrapping up, I want us to reflect on a couple things and address a few final notes about jealousy. These are questions to spend some time with. Mull them over with pen and paper. Chat with a loved one (not your friend!) about the answers. Really take some time to get to know yourself. You deserve that much.
Here are some reflection questions:
- Does this person support you or do you feel like it’s one-sided? This is not a “get out of jail free” card. However, I think it’s important to recognize that sometimes jealousy crops up because we’re feeling a little neglected. Sometimes, it’s a cry for attention and love that we don’t feel like we’re getting. If you feel like your friendship has become a solo effort and you feel like you’re getting left behind, it’s important to have an honest heart-to-heart with your friend.
- If you’re struggling to know how to help yourself, are you willing to let this take over your friendship? The “not knowing where to begin” feeling can be paralyzing. It may feel easier to do nothing than to attempt something and have it fail miserably. Let me tell you this: It’s worth giving it a shot, even if it fails miserably. Use the tips in this article. Write down points that you feel are helpful and that you can use. Go give it a shot. Unresolved, this can quickly take your friendship downhill. If you’re okay with that, then move along. If not, try minimally for your sake.
- Do you believe you are worthy of good things? Sometimes, jealousy is incredibly simple. It has nothing to do with that person’s life and everything to do with your’s. Did you read the section on bringing joy to your life? If not, go back. You’ll find some gems. You have to believe that you’re worthy of good things, too. You have to believe that you deserve love, kindness, and greatness, too. Because all those things are 100% true. Take the energy you’re wasting with jealousy and channel it into healing your heart.
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