We’ve all been on the receiving end of criticism, judgment, and harsh words. It’s hardly ever a feel-good moment.
However, it doesn’t have to be the moment to end it all. This doesn’t have to be the thing that makes you call it quits.
Everyone is going to have an opinion about anything under the sun. You’re no exception. As much as it can hurt, there is a way to handle criticism gracefully and spin it to your advantage.
I’m walking you through several ways to handle criticism like a pro, let it roll off your shoulders, and make it work for you instead of against you.
Before anything, ask yourself, “Is this me or is this them?”
I’ll tell you a secret: 99% of the time, people’s outward judgments of us are actually inward judgments of themselves.
When someone comes to you and criticizes you, it’s like a window into their internal structure. Before going down the road of taking it personally (because it can certainly feel personal), take a step back and ask yourself, “Who are they talking to?” More often than not, it’s an internal dialogue flipped outward.
You may even notice yourself do it. Think about the last time you criticized or judged someone. (Don’t even try playing me. You’re human, not Jesus. We all judge.) If you think back to it, how do you feel about the situation you judged? Did it make you feel uncomfortable, angry, sad? What does it remind you of in your life?
Maybe that person reminds you of you. Maybe their decision is a similar one you made in the past that you felt was a mistake. Maybe their behavior reminds you of an old bully who used to be merciless with criticism.
The point of this exercise isn’t to point a finger at you and play “gotcha”. It’s to show that it’s easy to judge others when we judge ourselves just as harshly.
So, before diving into the criticism you’re receiving, ask, “Is this me or is this them?”
I'm walking you through several ways to handle criticism like a pro, let it roll off your shoulders, and make it work for you instead of against you. Click To TweetBe willing to take responsibility.
While there’s a different side to every story, every side still holds at least a little truth.
Upon reflection, it may very well be that you determine the person criticizing you is full-on projecting their own insecurities. That’s all fine and well. But, let’s look closer.
Is there truth in what they’re saying?
Take away the judgment, the insecurities, and any hostility.
Be willing to take responsibility for your role. That doesn’t mean take responsibility for the whole situation. It means that when things go awry, it’s rarely all-or-nothing someone else’s fault.
There’s a couple caveats to this.
First, if this is a situation where your boss is criticizing you, then you need to buck up and listen. If you want to continue receiving a paycheck, then it’s well worth taking responsibility for whatever you’re being accused of to move the situation into a solution instead of a “he said, she said” hellhole.
The other caveat is when you receive criticism from someone who’s abusive. AKA they’re bullying you, belittling you, and being downright mean. You by no means need to stick around for this or give it weight. You decide what and who gets your energy. These people are the least deserving so feel free to toss what they’re saying and move on.
Watch your narrative around this moment.
Rejection isn’t painful. Criticism isn’t painful. We make these things painful when we tell ourselves that rejection and criticism means something about us.
The story you tell yourself over this moment is important.
If you’re telling yourself that you suck, you’re a failure, you’re worthless, and everyone hates you, this moment will feel unbearable. You’ll get stuck in this narrative because you’ve tied your identity to it.
If you tell yourself that this is one moment, one person’s perspective, and it’s a redirection, you can move forward confidently.
Watch your narrative. It decides how you move forward and who you become.
Take the helpful pieces and use them to your advantage.
When someone criticizes you, they’re actually offering you a huge insight. They’re showing you your weak points directly. They’re telling you where to step up.
Take this part with a grain of salt. As I’ve said throughout this article, not everyone’s two cents is actually worth it. There are going to be people who criticize you out of spite. There are going to be people who criticize you because they don’t have all the information. These aren’t your people.
The people who criticize you because they care about you and think you can do better, those are your people and they’re worth listening to.
Turn the criticism into a learning moment for yourself. Take notes. Ask questions. Ask the person to give more detail. It may feel counterintuitive, but it’s a resource.
Take your new information and use it in your favor. Use it to make yourself better. You’ve been shown your blindspots. Now, you have a chance to dive into them or to decide that they’re not worth going over again, but at least you know.
Keep going.
Whatever you decide, whatever is being said, it’s important to keep going. Don’t let a single person’s opinion override your drive and your internal navigation.
People are always going to have opinions of you. They’re always going to want to have a say. But, their opinions are not the ones that matter. This is your life.
The only person’s opinion and judgment that holds all the cards is yours. Do what’s right for you. Do right by others. Keep moving on.
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