It’s true that relationships tend to get stronger over time. But how? Well, in reality, most strong relationships get to that point because the couple works to create that strength.
Strong relationships don’t require perfection. They require both of you to show up exactly as you are, in a loving and accepting way. When you both come from a place of compassion and love for each, you create a support system that you can both lean on in those inevitable times of relationship distress.
I’m walking you through several simple ways to can strengthen and deepen your relationship with your loved one, starting today.
Ask this question often.
“What do you need?”
This question was a game-changer for my relationship. So often we think we know what the other wants or needs because they’re our person, our soulmate, and our best friend. Why wouldn’t we already know?
Turns out, humans aren’t good mind-readers. At all. We may be thinking that our partner needs one thing, when in reality they really need something else.
In an ideal, perfect world, our partner would tell us outright in plain terms what they need. Most of the time, that doesn’t happen, particularly in times of stress, because we just aren’t thinking that way.
By asking your partner “What do you need?”, you’re not only telling them that you care and you’re interested, but you’re also creating space for them to share themselves with you.
Learn each other’s pain points.
Everyone has pain points. We can either exploit them, avoid them, or respect them. Often times, we’re not aware when we’re pressing on a partner’s pain point. However, even when it’s an accident, damage can still happen.
One of the best ways to become a stronger couple is to learn where the other’s pain points are. This can be done by stepping back in intense moments and asking yourself what your partner is trying to communicate to you.
For example, after a bad day at work, your partner is wiped. You ask a simple question like “What do you want for dinner?” and suddenly hostility is exploding out of thin air. What happened?
You may have been thinking that you were being courteous by asking their dinner preferences when, in reality, that question made them feel like they were being interrogated after already being in an overwhelmed state. A better way to approach would’ve been “I’m making your favorite meal for dinner. Come home and relax”.
Now, that’s an incredibly specific example and everyone is going to be different. Again, we suck as mind-readers so we may not always have all the answers.
This is where the first point of asking “What do you need?” often and frequently comes into play. By asking often and genuinely, you can start to learn about your partner’s needs and reactions to stress.
I'm walking you through several simple ways to can strengthen and deepen your relationship with your loved one, starting today. Click To TweetFight fair.
Every couple argues. Every couple fights. We all mess up, get it wrong, or set each other off sometimes. It’s the hazard of loving someone. But, it’s not one that should be avoided.
Instead of focusing on how to stop fighting, focus on how to fight in a way that’s fair to both of you. Magical thinking? Not at all.
Fighting fair means that you’re both on the winning team. Instead of being one against the other, it’s about joining sides to tackle the problem together.
Want even more specifics? Check out this article and read Stage 2. There’s a lot of different dynamics there that can give you a great head start.
Opt for positivity.
The fancy way of saying this is called a “positive feedback loop”. The normal way of saying this is pretty straightforward: The more positive you are, the more positive you feel.
How does this translate to your relationship? Well, the more you present your partner in a positive light, the more you admire and appreciate the positive aspects they bring to the relationship.
It’s hard to get stuck in grudges, feel resentful, or breakdown trust when you’re feeling good about who your partner is as a person.
That’s not to say they’re not human. Of course, they’re going to make mistakes. And, you’re going to make mistakes. And, someone may get pissed off in the process. That’s life.
But, when you commit to a positive mindset, give your partner the benefit of doubt, and believe they’re acting with the best intentions, it’s much easier to tackle relationship stressors as a team.
Please note: This is not applicable if you’re in an abusive relationship. If you believe you are in an abusive, please seek professional counsel and go here for more resources.
Be open and honest.
It’s pretty difficult to build a strong, loving relationship when you feel like you need to keep secrets and/or keep parts of yourself hidden.
Sometimes, this comes from our own internal dialogue, such as feeling like we’re “too broken” or we might “infect” the other person with our damage if we show too much.
If that’s the case, I want you to know that you are worthy of being seen, heard, and loved fully and completely. Your partner can’t be that person for you if you don’t let them.
Other times, we may be closed off to our partners because we fear they might be judgmental, belittling, or shame us. If that’s the case, or has been in the past, it’s worth having an open and honest conversation with your partner about your fears, your experience, and how they made you feel.
When in doubt, check in with a couple’s counselor. There’s no shame in seeing someone when you want to begin the journey to open and honest conversation. A couple’s counselor is there to help you both get to that place of openness and to help your relationship thrive. If they’re available, book a session.
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