We’ve all felt like the helpless friend during hard times before. We watch our friend go through unbearable pain and we’re at a loss of what to do and how to do it.
In some cases, we know their pain because we’ve been through it, too. In those situations where we can feel our pain with their’s, the feelings of being lost and stuck can intensify tenfold.
Being a good friend during hard times isn’t so much about actions as it is about being. It doesn’t have to be complex or over-the-top. Most people just want to know that they’re still loved, good people still exist, and that they will feel joy again.
Even if you’re friend isn’t in a space yet where they can voice how you can help, you can still be a source of comfort during these challenging times.
I’m walking you through several ways to be a good friend and help your friend through their hard times.
Be present.
Presence can mean many different things in this situation. Maybe it means picking up their calls when they need to talk. Maybe it means going over with their favorite snacks and setting up a movie. Maybe it means sending them a care package.
It’s not as important to be physically present as it is to be emotionally and mentally present. This can also look like shooting them a quick message to let them know that you’re there whenever they want to reach out.
Ask what they need.
In most cases, if a big shock or event has occurred, people may not know what they need in the moment. While this can be frustrating when you’re trying to help, know it’s okay to take a step back and do what you can in at the time.
When your friend is feeling like they can voice their needs, listen. Be present for that expression. Let them know if you can or can’t help. Even helping with the smallest of needs during this time will be powerful for them.
When in doubt, give them love, encouragement, and space to heal. Ask what they need directly. If they don’t know or don’t want to answer, then offer love and kindness in whatever way that works best for both of you.
Being a good friend during hard times isn't so much about actions as it is about *being*. Click To TweetRespect their boundaries.
It’s a natural reaction to retreat and isolate during times of intense stress and pain. Don’t take it personally if your friend is shouldering your texts, calls, or visits.
If your friend is setting a boundary, it’s important to respect it, even if you don’t agree with it. By respecting that boundary, you’re creating a safe space for your friend to come back to when they’re ready.
While a friend’s hardships isn’t, and shouldn’t be, about you, it’s also important to set your own boundaries during this time. Know your threshold. Take care of yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so be sure you’re doing okay before offering or committing to help.
Lower your expectations.
In fact, toss out your expectations altogether. Now isn’t the time to get nit-picky with what you think your friend should or shouldn’t be doing, feeling, or saying.
Expectations stem from an area of entitlement. We are not entitled to the lives of others. They are under no obligation to follow our advice, listen to what we say, or to let us in.
Respecting this aspect will release you and your friend from the misery that can come with expectations. By letting go of what you think “should be”, you can embrace what is in the moment with ease and light.
Hold space for them.
If all else fails, hold space.
What does “holding space” mean? It means that no matter where they’re at in the moment, they have a space to go back to. It means that you are offering a space free of judgment, shame, or guilt. It means that you are creating a safe place for them to voice their fears, expectations, and challenges and to receive love in return.
It’s powerful to hold space for people in your life. It frees you both from the grip of needing to fix things and have all the answers in the here and now. When we hold space for others, we create space for ourselves, too.
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