You’re engaged and ready to marry the love of your life! Well, almost ready. Minus your wedding to-do list that somehow keeps getting longer by the day and this cousin or that friend that keeps popping up that you now have to add to a wild guest list. Not to mention all the pre-wedding activities that have your head spinning because this person can only make it within a 2 week timespan, which is different than the 5 day window someone else gave you.
I get it. Wedding planning is stressful. And, what happens when we’re stressed? Well, it has to come out somehow.
Often times, the person closest to us can take the brunt of it. Lo and behold, it’s most likely our fiancé. So, now, not only are you trying to tame a crazed wedding, but also do damage control in your relationship. Honestly, you can feel a little lost at times as to how it went wrong and where.
While the words “don’t freak out” may mean very little to you at this point, I would like to offer some comfort that everything you’re experiencing is completely normal and there are simple solutions to all of it.
Let’s get to some tips that you can start doing today so you can relax and enjoy this engagement period.
Pick your top 3.
This was the most helpful thing Josh and I did when we started wedding planning. There’s so much that goes into a wedding and it can be completely overwhelming. Between trying to stick to rigid timeline and manage a wild budget, it felt like too much at times. It was easy to take the stress and start nitpicking each other instead of nipping the real issues in the bud.
Take a moment to sit down with your fiancé and decide together what your top 3 priorities for this wedding are. These top 3 are your absolute must-haves, no matter the price or the challenge to book. This can be anything from your venue to your cake to the number of guests you invite.
For us, our top 3 were location, my wedding gown, and our photographer. For these 3 things, we paid whatever we needed to and chose what spoke to us as a couple.
Include your fiancé.
One of the biggest shocks for me during wedding planning was that Josh wanted an active role in the process. So many wedding and engagement articles are geared towards the woman that I thought that men just show up the day of and don’t care about the heads or tails of it all.
This is false. Offer to sit down with your fiancé to pick out designs, colors, invites, flowers, etc. Ask his opinion in with genuine interest. Not only is it a great opportunity to learn more about the man you love, but it’s also an opportunity to create the ultimate wedding that captures the both of you as a couple.
While the words "don't freak out" may mean little to you at this point, I would like to offer some comfort that everything you're experiencing is completely normal and there are simple solutions to all of it. Click To TweetPrioritize marriage prep.
So much of the engagement period is centered on the impending wedding. Your wedding lasts a day. Your marriage lasts a lifetime. This is a sacred time period to spend preparing your hearts for marriage.
While, yes, the baker won’t book themselves and you need figure out what’s going on with your hair, you also need to prioritize setting yourselves up for a successful marriage. This means setting aside time first and foremost to have the hard (but exciting) conversations, such as babies, career choices, finances and budgets, where you will spend the holidays, and any relationship issues that have been put on the back-burner in all the excitement of the engagement.
Now is not the time to hold back or discuss things “at a later date”. Now is the time to get honest with each other and be real about what you expect the marriage to look like.
Guard your relationship.
This is the time when everyone and their mom (literally) has an opinion on your relationship, your impending marriage, your wedding, his family, whether you two should have a family, when you two should start a family, and the list goes on forever.
Frankly, it’s no one’s business. Your relationship is between you and your fiancé, which means that is your main concern. Anyone who you invite should be offered just that: an invitation, free for you to extend or evoke at your discretion.
In all honesty, engagements bring up many emotions, not just for you and your partner, but for others as well. It’s a bitter moment for those who aren’t, or have never been, in a good relationship. It’s a moment of life reflection (and often anxiety) for the older generation. It’s a can be a moment of loneliness for those who feel like they’ll never find “the one”.
I’m telling you all this so you understand the context when you start feel as though people are attacking you and your relationship or becoming hostile. It happens. It doesn’t mean that you need to respond or that you owe anyone an explanation.
Side note: If your loved ones are expressing concern over your significant other’s behavior, addiction, and/or demeaning attitudes, then it would be in your best interest to hear them out. If you’re unsure of the direction you should take after listening, I strongly urge you to seek counsel from a licensed therapist. They’re an excellent resource and guide in moments like these.
Shift your perspective away from the magnifying glass.
When we get stressed, we start running the magnifying glass over every aspect of our life. Suddenly, problems that would’ve seemed minor seem huge and unmanageable.
If you’re starting to feel stuck and like there’s no solution to a problem at hand, then it’s a sign that it’s time to step back. This is most effectively done by taking a break and getting some space from the problem.
Put problem-solving on hold for a few days or a week. Put your focus into something that has nothing to do with wedding planning, such as a fun date, pets, or hobbies. When you decide to return to the problem, invite your fiancé to help find a solution with you. You’ll soon find out that life is so much better when you’re part of a team.
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