One-sided friendships are a much too common phenomenon. Frankly, I thought they were solely reserved for teenage drama. Unfortunately, age does not equate to maturity.
What can seem at first like becoming fast friends with someone who feels like sibling instantaneously can quickly turn sour if the relationship support isn’t reciprocated. It is painful to be the friend giving your all only to be met with half-hearted attempts at caring.
It can be hard to determine if you’re “just being sensitive” or if you’re spot on about your friendship being one-sided. For the most part, we don’t want it to be true, especially if this is a long-time friend or a friend that we click with the most.
However, not everyone has the emotional stability and maturity to maintain enriching and fulfilling friendships. For some, friends are meant to be sidekicks and nothing more.
I’m going to walk you through the most signs and signals that your friendship might be one-sided.
They’re the first to go to you for support, but it’s crickets when it’s vice versa.
You’re their go-to person for anything and everything, especially when it comes to emotional crises. You can spend hours on the phone honing in on every detail and last bit of drama in their lives. You center on offering comforting words and asking how you can help the situation.
In addition, whenever they succeed at something, you’re the first person to celebrate with them. You never hesitate to congratulate them on their victories or share their projects with others with pride.
However, when the tables are turned, crickets. You’re not sure if they even know what’s going on in your life. They rarely ask questions about you and you feel like you can’t get a word in edge-wise about your life during conversations. When you celebrate an accomplishment or victory, you’re either met with a half-hearted pat on the back or total silence.
Not everyone has the emotional stability and maturity to maintain enriching and fulfilling friendships. For some, friends are meant to be sidekicks and nothing more. Click To TweetThey ask, but you don’t receive.
You’re the first one to lend them cash when they’re tight, even though you’re 99% sure they’ll never return it. You find yourself “saving” them from hard places, either through offering a ride, an out, or an excuse to leave. You may even find them crashing on your couch more than regularly.
Yet, when you feel like you’re between a rock and a hard place, they resist helping you. If they do help you, they make you feel immensely guilty for asking. Otherwise, they may shrug their shoulders and point to other reasons or priorities as to why they’re unavailable.
While no friendship should be based on “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine” mentality, it speaks to the integrity and interest of the friend in question if they are willing to return favors.
They bail during hard times.
You’re going through your own patch of drama and heartache. When you go to call your friend, all you get is a dial tone. Text messages go unanswered. DMs go unread. Your friend has fallen off the face of the Earth until, lo and behold, they resurface after a week or two or once the air has cleared.
These are “sunny side” friends. They’re mainly interested in your life if everything is going well. They don’t want to be your shoulder to lean on, no matter how many times you’ve been their shoulder. They aren’t interested in all the “negativity” despite their habit of contacting you when they want emotional support during their hardships.
They hold you to different standards.
If you haven’t felt this theme yet, you will now. What’s okay for them to do is not okay for you to do. If they ghost you for a week, but you take a day to respond, suddenly you “don’t care” about them. If they’re having boy drama at the same time you’re celebrating your big career accomplishment, you’re “being insensitive”.
Somehow, they have managed to turn every situation into one where they are center-stage, even if it has nothing to do with them. Soon, you feel like you can’t live your life without having to put their feelings and emotions at the forefront of every decision.
This is a stressful, toxic, and unhealthy way to live, whether this behavior is from a friend, family member, or romantic partner. You should feel free to live your life. Most importantly, you should feel like you’re able to surround yourself with people who genuine interest in your well-being and happiness; not people who are only interested in what you have to offer.
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