Congratulations newlyweds! You’ve stepped into the magical world of marriage and you’re ready to tackle the world as a married couple and team.
The first year of marriage is notorious for being one of the most challenging years of marriage you both will experience. However, there’s no need to feel excessive heartache if you don’t need to.
This first year is meant to be a year of learning and growth. It’s meant to be the time you two spend together solidifying your place in the world as a unified and connected couple. While that may come with learning how to navigate new challenges and disagreements, overall, it’s a beautiful time to have with and give to each other.
In my experience, these are some of the most helpful tips for newlyweds in this phase of their marriage.
1. Start how you mean to go on.
Now is not the time to drop the ball on bringing your best game. Marriage is a long haul. While you will learn a lot about yourself and each other throughout the years, it’s important to start how you mean to go on. Be kind now. Be committed now. Be working hard to sort through disagreements now. Be willing to communicate in new ways now.
2. Set high standards with realistic expectations.
These may sound like opposites, but they shouldn’t be. By keeping your standards high for each other as couple means keeping mutual respect, a desire to participate, and dedication to connect in play. By managing your expectations, you also learn to be compassionate, caring, and kind simultaneously. They should go hand-in-hand.
3. Vocalize when you feel hurt or disagree with something.
At first, this may feel awkward, uncomfortable, or like you’re just wrong. When you’re in the newlywed stage, it’s quite common to come across many disagreements. It’s a huge life change for both of you and your relationship with each other.
Now is the time to become more vocal when you disagree, not less vocal. This is how you learn about each other. Remember to keep it respectful and to stay calm. You both want the same thing in the end: to know how to love each other better.
The first year of marriage is notorious for being one of the most challenging years of marriage you both will experience. However, there's no need to feel excessive heartache if you don't need to. Click To Tweet4. Learn how to come to a consensus, not a compromise.
One of the biggest pieces of marriage advice that gets thrown around is to compromise, compromise, compromise. I’m calling BS on it. Compromising puts you both in a lose-lose situation. It keeps things at a “me vs. you” level instead of bringing you to the level of “us”.
Opt to come to a consensus where you both agree on an outcome with equal, or near equal, enthusiasm. In a consensus, you both win. It will take more effort than coming to a compromise half-heartedly, but it’s also much more worth it.
5. Get intimate with your budget.
Finances are a huge center of disagreement for many couples. Often times, we come from different walks of life. Different home lives means that we all view finances slightly differently. What may make sense to you financially may be completely wild to your spouse.
Here are some things you should discuss with your spouse this first year to curb excessive bickering over money:
- What’s your spending price cap? When Josh and I were first married, we made a rule that if we wanted to buy anything over $100, we needed to check in with the other one. Decide what cap you both would be comfortable with. If you’re at an impasse, going with the lower number may be better temporarily until you both become more comfortable and familiar with spending habits.
- What does your ideal monthly expense pie chart look like? Many financial gurus swear by the 50-30-20 rule where 50% of your expenses are necessary expenses (i.e. rent, electric, gas, etc.), 30% of your expenses are fun money (i.e. dates, clothes, etc.), and 20% goes into savings (i.e. 401ks, investments, etc.) every month. Decide what your pie chart will look like and if your current budget fits it.
- Go over that budget again and touch on pain points. Ideally, you’ve already made a budget. If not, now is your moment to tackle it together. Are you both going to manage finances equally or would it be easier to have one of you tackle the task? What’s the plan if you go over budget? Is there anything special, like a vacation, that you both would like to save for? Go into detail on this.
6. Set long-term goals.
One of the best things about being married is getting to set your sights on your futures together. While it’s important to have individual goals and dreams, it’s also important to have goals as a team. Do you want to buy a house? Do you want to have kids? Do you want to move to a different location? These are all things that you probably know the answer to except now you can actually start working on them in earnest and laying the foundation to get there as a couple.
7. Get a regular date night into the books.
Regular date nights are the first thing to go when you get married. You both get busy with life. There comes moments where all you want to do is nosedive into your bed day after exhausting day, which is normal. However, these date nights will help you prioritize each other and your relationship. They’ll help you learn about each other in new ways. Even if your dates tend to be casual, be sure to keep up with them.
8. Talk about and plan family traditions.
This was one of our favorite parts of being newlyweds: deciding what our family traditions are going to be. This can be anything from holiday traditions to summer vacation spots. It should be something you will both enjoy and help you connect deeper as a married couple. Often times, we bring in these traditions from our families of origin, which is a fantastic way to bring two families into one.
9. Take the pressure off each other.
During this first year, it’s almost like you’re back to Square 1 when you two were first dating: everything’s new and you don’t want to show your ugly pieces off. Sometimes, we get it right. Sometimes, damn do we get it really, really wrong. It’s important to put forgiveness at the forefront during this year as you both learn to navigate new waters. Be gentle and kind with yourselves as you embark on this grande new adventure.
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