Marriage is one of the biggest commitments you can make. It’s voluntarily standing up in front of loved ones and pledging your life to another soul for the rest of your days.
However, it can sometimes be a confusing road that gets muddled with “shoulds”, Instagram #goals, and ideals more suited for a hit Rom-Com than real life.
Being that it’s such a huge aspect in many people’s lives, there’s also many, many opinions floating around. Some of them are helpful and interesting. Others are downright myths, typically constructed from people who came from painful marriages and relationships.
I’m here to break down some of the top basic myths for you.
Myth 1: It solves petty relationship problems.
The Truth: You’re still going to keep having the same fights if you both don’t commit to come to a resolution. Together. Marriage is not a bandaid for tough times nor does it act as an effective glue when two people aren’t meshing.
Thus, in all likelihood, you two will continue to have those problems and bring them into the marriage unless you both work on resolving them.
Myth 2: Jealousy and loneliness automatically disappear.
The Truth: Jealousy is unbelievable common in all relationships. Loneliness, while not uncommon, is a whole other ballpark. If you’re feeling lonely or jealous in your relationship, it may feel like it has to do with your partner, and thus be their problem to fix.
However, what it really boils down to is our own insecurities and unhappiness. You won’t be satisfied with any answer that doesn’t come from your own soul searching and discovering ways to live your life in a more fulfilling way.
Myth 3: It’s “endgame”.
The Truth: Marriage does not mean you cruise. It’s easy to get into this pattern when you have a mentality that everything is “smooth sailing” from here. This is one of the major ways marriages end: by believing that the relationship no longer requires work or romance. It just is.
This isn’t the moment to leave things be and see how it goes. This is your time to be with the person you committed your life to. They deserve for you to show up 100% each day. Keep going on dates. Keep doing little romantic things. Keep doing things for just the two of you.
Let's break down some the biggest marriage myths out there. Click To TweetMyth 4: It will make your partner more committed.
The Truth: This is a common myth believed by those who have gone through the tragedy of cheating and infidelity. If you’ve experienced it in your relationship, then I’m sorry to tell you that a major commitment like marriage will not end up being your answer.
It’s so hard to let go of control in a relationship. If someone is going to cheat, they’re going to cheat no matter how amazing and wonderful you are. And that’s because cheating isn’t about you. It’s about them.
You can be ready, but also remember that you deserve someone who is ready for you.
Myth 5: It gets boring.
The Truth: Some people think of staying with the same person for 20, 30, 50 -odd years and think that it must get mundane past a certain threshold. Let premise this by saying that good marriages are never dull or boring.
There are inevitably relationships that do sour over time and that do not age well. Typically, these are marriages that were unlikely to be happy and fulfilling in the first place.
When you’ve found your person, your soul mate, your lobster (hey, FRIENDS reference), every day is a new adventure that you embark on together.
Myth 6: It’s no different than not being married.
The Truth: There is a big commitment factor when you get married beyond “I can no longer be with anyone else”. You’re committing to “we” over “me” for the rest of your life.
When you get married, there’s a melding of persons that brings you to entirely new life level. You’re going through life as a team now instead of facing it head-on alone. The security, comfort, and contentment gives you a newfound freedom to approach goals and life situations that seemed too scary before by yourself.
Myth 7: It’s a life step you’re supposed to take.
The Truth: Nobody is holding your hand to the fire and saying you have to get married. Okay, maybe a select few family members. But are you really going to let your future happiness ride on them?
I know many a happy and thriving couple who have never been married and have no intention of getting married. They have kids. They have a house. Some skipped all that and have some adorable dogs.
If you and your partner are happy with where you’re at in your relationship, then there’s no need to push. If you want marriage because you’re ready to take it to the next level, then by all means have a discussion about it. But, if you’re not in a hurry (if at all) to change anything, then that’s perfectly okay, too.
Each relationship is unique just like each individual is unique. You have to do what feels right for both of you.
Myth 8: A happy marriage comes naturally.
The Truth: I will say that, over time, it does get easier. As you discover more and more about yourself and your partner, you will find that you both fall into a natural rhythm of contentment.
However, to go right out the gates believing that a good marriage comes “naturally” and takes no effort can be detrimental to the well-being of your relationship.
All good, great, amazing, fantastic marriages take work from both parties. You have to pay attention. You have to have the difficult conversations. You have to be willing to admit when you’re wrong and apologize. You have to be willing to grow together, to dream together, to do life together.
There’s no shame in the work. Be proud of how hard you work to make each other happy. It’s one of the greatest forms of love.
Myth 9: It’s a 50/50 effort.
The Truth: It’s a 100/100 effort. Marriage is all in. You make vows to another person. You pledge the rest of your life to this one and only. You dive into the deep-end, no qualms.
So, of course, it needs 100% effort. This touches on the previous myth. You have to give it your all. Not only because that’s what you vowed to do, but because the love of your life deserves it. You deserve it. And, it’s what is necessary for a marriage filled with joy and gratitude.
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