Life skills aren’t something we automatically thinking of adding to our dating repertoire when searching for our soulmate. However, there’s certain things you should be 100% comfortable with before jumping into a relationship with someone else.
It’s possible to gain these life skills while in a relationship, especially if your partner is supportive and open to new ideas. But, it can put a lot of undue strain on the relationship. All in all, it’s better to tackle these things now while you’re by yourself and have the time.
Out of my years of relationship experience, these are the top life skills you will need to survive and thrive in a healthy relationship.
1. Managing finances.
This should be a no-brainer. Even when you’re in a relationship, you still need to have a pretty good hold on your finances. In fact, I would bargain to say that once you’re in a relationship, you need to be even more diligent with finances between dates and gifts.
Ideally, you’re paying your bills on time, you’re paying down your debt, stashing for savings, and still having some fun money leftover. If you’re not there yet, you’ll get there. Keep working that budget and seek a financial advisor if it feels too overwhelming or confusing.
2. Knowing how to survive.
Adulthood is not for the faint of heart. All jokes aside, you should know how to pay your bills and when they’re due. You should know how to cook something more nutritious for yourself than just pasta and rice. You should know when it’s time to put gas in your car before you get stuck on the side of the road. You should drink water. Basics. Not shooting for the moon.
3. Controlling your emotions.
By controlling your emotions, I mean know how to own up to your own baggage and not project it onto others. Be willing to accept responsibility for your pain without trying to spread it around or get someone else to “fix” you. If you’re struggling to understand what I mean, there’s no harm in therapy. A good check in is a great thing to do.
4. Self-awareness.
There’s nothing better than knowing what you want before just going for it. This also includes relationships. Knowing who you are, what you deserve, what makes your heart soar, and what makes your heart ache will make finding your soulmate that much easier. (For both of you.)
5. Being alone and liking it.
By now, you’ve probably been #single for a minute. This is a phenomenal opportunity for you! I know that’s not how it’s automatically viewed by anyone, but think about it: You have complete freedom to discover yourself. Try that new restaurant. Go for the new hairstyle. Get that outfit that isn’t usually your style. Take time to develop a new skill. Find something that you want to improve about yourself and go all in. Sleep like a damn starfish in the middle of your bed because you’re freaking worth it.
6. Knowing how to apologize.
I wish I could say that the perfect relationship means you would never get hurt or do the hurting, but I have yet to find that kind of “perfect” relationship. Mistakes are part of being human. Just like you make them in other areas of your life, you’re bound to make them in a relationship, too, especially when things are new.
Learn how to apologize without placing blame or making excuses. Figure out how to see the other side and have compassion for their perspective. The ability to apologize and mean it is going to be such a huge determining factor in the survival of any relationship.
7. Knowing how and when to say “no”.
When we want to be liked and we feel like our heart, pride, and emotions are on the line, we want to be a “yes man” and give people exactly what they want so they’ll stick around. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t make people stick and you may end up hurting worse in the end.
When you really want to say “no”, don’t say “maybe”. Don’t say “yes a little”. Say “no” and hold firm. It’s okay (and good) to know what you want. Anyone who makes you feel bad for staying true to yourself is not your person.
8. Managing stressors.
Stress is a part of life. Sometimes it’s our kick in the ass to get things moving and other times it can cause the most debilitating anxiety. Knowing how to manage your stressors effectively is vital before entering into a deep relationship. This falls under the category of not projecting your baggage all over people.
Learn what self-care looks like for you. Assess what’s stressing you out in your life. Is it necessary stress or is there a way to minimize or get rid of it? Find out these things before committing to someone else.
9. Understanding how to prioritize.
There are going to be moments when you will feel pulled in two directions: your work where you have a massive project due tomorrow and you’re heading it or your partner who just had the worst day ever? Your friend’s break down/crisis or the special date night you had planned for over a month? An important family member’s opinion or your experience with your partner?
All of those scenarios require some serious assessing of priorities. There’s no right or wrong answer to any of them because they all depend on what you feel is best to prioritize for you. At the end of the day, even when in a relationship, you need to be good with yourself first so you can be good to others.
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This is such a useful article, even if you’re not particularly looking for a relationship! I still live at home with the parents, but I know I have a lot of growing up to do in terms of managing my finances and just being more mature in general. I do quite like to be alone though, so that’s one skill ticked off; ‘alone but not lonely’ is my motto!