When we were in school, we could make friends at the drop of a hat. Why? Well, we lived close to our friends, saw them daily, and often had a lot in common (same classes, same teachers, same after-school activities).
When you reach adulthood, suddenly you can feel like you’re not as good at making friends as you thought you were. Instead of friendships naturally falling into place, you have to actively seek new friends.
It can be an exhausting and disheartening process. In a lot of ways, trying to find your group of girlfriends is like dating. You might have to kiss a lot of frogs, so to speak, before you find your match.
Finding your girl gang doesn’t have to be difficult. They’re out there waiting for you! I’m walking you through several ways you can find your ideal group of girl friends.
1. Hang out in places you actually want to be.
I’m always amazed when I hear about people hanging out in bars, finding great friends and relationships, and then being disappointed that said people want to hang out in bars.
If you know that the bar and club scene is not where you’re going to want to spend your time once you find your people, then don’t go searching there.
Instead, opt for hanging out at locations where you’re going to want to return.
Is your ideal friend date catching coffee? Then, hang out at your favorite local cafe and see who you connect with.
Do you want a best friend who also loves to go on runs? Run your local trails, do the 5ks, and join a local running club.
2. Be real about who you do and don’t want in your life.
Finding great friends is a lot like dating. It can be awkward. It’s usually nerve-wracking. There’s times when you feel like you’ve found an amazing person, only to discover a few months in that they have some major red flags and weird annoyances.
And, just like dating, it’s important to know what kind of people you want to surround yourself with. You’re the sum of the five people you spend the most time with, so choose wisely.
You can start getting an idea of who you’re looking for by narrowing down your own personal goals. Do you want to achieve great things? Is it important that you stay healthy? Do you have certain beliefs, whether religious or otherwise, that guide your life? When you imagine your best self, how would you describe her?
These things that you want for yourself are a great place to start looking for in a friend. While diversity is key to prosperity and growth, it’s also important to surround yourself with people who hold the same values.
3. Learn to be okay with people judging you.
And, they will judge you. It’s part of the process. As much as you’re looking at, assessing, and judging prospective friends, they’re doing the same with you.
This holds a lot of people back. For some, “judgment” automatically means “rejection”. That can feel too painful and scary to deal with on a regular basis.
However, the more you put yourself out there and the more you experience judgment, and perhaps rejection, the less scary it becomes. Instead, the more you realize that people’s judgment about you doesn’t really have anything to do with you.
People judge what they don’t understand. You don’t need everyone to understand you or even like you. A small group of girlfriends who love you unconditionally and appreciate you for you is worth 100-fold universal popularity.
Finding your girl gang doesn't have to be difficult. They're out there waiting for you! Click To Tweet4. Ask your current friends about their circle.
Sometimes, it’s as simple as asking your current friends and letting them know that you’re open to meeting new people.
For most of us, we have different groups of girlfriends. Whether it’s because we move around or because we’re experiencing different seasons of life, the secret to finding your girl gang may lie with the girls already in your circle.
Ask some of your current friends if you can tag along at their next hang out or meet up with their other crews. The worst that can happen is that you don’t vibe with anyone new, which just means you try again.
5. Go to networking events.
This can be through your work or through local communities. Most places of work will have office and company events a few times a year. This is a great opportunity to expand your social circle.
Another great place to check for events are the bulletin boards of your favorite local hangouts. Most local places, such as coffee shops, bookstores, churches, bars, etc., have bulletin boards where locals can post upcoming events. Those events are another great source for finding like-minded people.
6. Let go of who you think you “should” be.
Wanting to put your best foot forward is a natural reaction to being thrown into new situations and a world that relies on first impressions. However, be sure to keep yourself in check that your first impression matches your overall impression.
While it can be tempting to try to be someone you think you “should” be, instead of who you are, during times of stress and bubbling insecurities, resist. Inauthenticity just leads to more inauthenticity.
You will never be satisfied with friendships built on a false foundation. They’re unfulfilling because they’re not meeting your true needs. And, you, in all likelihood, are not meeting theirs.
The right people will think you’re amazing, just the way you are. If they don’t, they’re not your people and you’re free to let them go.
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