It’s an unfortunate truth that we all know, knew, or will know a toxic person at some point or another in our lives. They’re unavoidable. However, that doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to be forever sucked into that toxicity.
This type of person typically lives for drama. The drama makes their life interesting. If there’s not enough going on, they may even start something themselves.
Conversations are also centered around the latest gossip, even about someone they’re supposedly close to. It keeps you interested and makes you feel like they trust you, but it makes you question as to whether or not you trust them.
The amazing thing about your life is that it’s your life. You call all the shots. You have the power to decide who stays or goes. If you want to read more about how to let go of toxic people, I suggest reading this article.
I’m going to walk you through several common phenomenons you may experience with toxic people. You may experience all of them with one person or just one or two here or there. Either way, know the signs so you can fill your life with more positive people.
1. They’re never to blame.
It doesn’t matter what happened in the story. Somehow, they’re the victim. You truly feel bad and empathetic to what they went through until something makes you pause: Wasn’t it their actions or behavior that caused and/or perpetuated the whole situation in the first place? You can’t bring up this question because you know this person will switch the tirade from John Doe to you the second you do.
In addition, when you two have an argument or riff, you find yourself apologizing and them graciously accepting before moving onward. There’s no reciprocation or acknowledgement of any wrongdoing by both parties involved.
2. Their stories don’t line up.
It’s common that there’s an aspect of their sob story of “getting screwed” involves some detail that doesn’t quite make sense. You find yourself thinking, “Wow, that is so weird. I would never do that to someone”. That’s usually an indicator that you just caught this person in a lie. If it sounds too far-fetched to be true, then it usually is.
Lying is painful for the brain and takes a lot of effort. That’s why we, as humans, suck at it. Lies tend to be over-elaborated details that don’t follow the story in a cohesive manner. Either a date is wrong, a person wasn’t really there, or whatever was said was exaggerated and manipulated beyond what really happened.
People who consistently lie in this manner — to prop themselves up to manipulate others while smearing someone else — are not people you can (or should) trust.
We all know, knew, or will know a toxic person at some point or another in our lives. They're unavoidable. However, that doesn't mean that you're doomed to be forever sucked into that toxicity. Click To Tweet3. They project their emotions.
Projecting emotions is how these types of people actually deal with their emotions, which is truly by not dealing with them at all. Instead of admitting, acknowledge, and handling their existence, they pass that responsibility onto others.
Suddenly, it’s your job to cheer them up, fix their lives, or take an onslaught of emotional abuse because they’re “just going through so much”.
It’s never acceptable for someone to put their hardships on your shoulders and then ditch. However, it’s all too common when people don’t want to face ugly feelings head-on.
4. They don’t respect boundaries.
You find yourself repeating yourself a lot when it comes to certain areas of your life. Everyone has parts of their lives they don’t discuss with others. Everyone has pieces that they don’t want to be public knowledge. In cases of boundaries, it’s usually about keeping things private as people have a right to do.
When someone doesn’t respect this aspect, you may discover that they’ve told a story that you told them in confidence to other people outside that circle of trust. They will push your lines to hopes to make you “crack” on certain boundaries and just “let things slide”.
They believe your boundaries are intended for other people, but not for them. In fact, they may encourage boundaries with others, but become angry when they find those same boundaries placed on them.
5. You walk away feeling bad about yourself.
You can’t put your finger on it, but for some reason or another, you find yourself consistently walking away from that coffee date or that phone call or that DM exchange feeling pretty badly about yourself. You may even question your self-worth, if you’re a good person, or if you’re doing life “wrong”.
These feelings are all connected to toxic people. Toxic people tend to suck the positive energy away and replace it with negative energy. Often times, this can be done subtly with backhanded compliments, belittling, and/or pushing soft spots, or areas where they know you feel insecure.
Overall, if someone leaves a bitter taste in your mouth time and again, it’s mostly likely because they’re a bitter person.
If you got value from this article, remember to share it with someone who could use it, too!
