We’ve all experienced at least one of these people in our lives. In all likelihood, we’ll experience more people that can be classified as a “frenemy” down the road.
What is exactly is a frenemy? To put it simply, it’s a friend in your life who acts friendly upfront, but is secretly harboring hostility and rivalry towards you.
The truth about a frenemy is that they’re usually so insecure about their own lives that they’re projecting onto you and your life. While it can feel like a personal attack, and the frenemy certainly intends it to be, the reason behind it doesn’t have much to do with you at all.
They’re in so much pain psychologically that they place it into your lap to deal with instead of handling it themselves. This type of toxic behavior will never be the foundation you need to build an intimate, meaningful friendship.
I’m walking you through 3 of the most common types of frenemies you’ll run into in your lifetime.
The Secret Competitor
It feels like you’re always in a competition and game you never signed up for. Jealousy runs through the center of this friendship. It feels like, no matter how much you try to steer the friendship off the jealous path, you’re always caught in the middle.
You hesitate to announce good news around them because it almost always gets dismissed or belittled. There are times when your good news is met with a crisis on their end because they can’t handle the thought of your life going “better” than theirs.
In many ways, you feel like you’re put in one of two spots in many aspects of your life: either they’re playing “catch up” or they’re bragging about things you don’t yet have.
For example, if your income level is lower than their’s, their abundant finances and more expensive life is a frequent topic of conversation. If you’re 3 kids deep and they’re yet to find their life partner, there’s an air of bitterness and tension when it comes to your family obligations and spending time with your SO.
The competitive side is usually so subtle that you almost feel like you’re imagining it or making it up most of the time. However, there’s usually some piece to the interaction that gives away the true motive. Whether that’s an uncomfortable gut feeling or feeling like a pawn in a game, you’re also usually right.
What is exactly is a frenemy? To put it simply, it's a friend in your life who acts friendly upfront, but is secretly harboring hostility and rivalry towards you. Click To TweetThe Debby Downer
This person really knows how to rain on your parade. In truth, most of of time it’s not just your parade, it’s everyone’s.
However, it makes you feel as though you can’t plan fun and exciting things because nothing is ever good enough. There’s always something wrong or going amiss or something to complain about.
For some, these people are highly sarcastic and cynical to a point where they’re regularly making hurtful comments. Most of the time, they’re so caught up in their own mind that they don’t realize how offensive their “jokes” are, but they cause the same pain nonetheless.
Overall, you walk away from hanging out with this friend feeling worse than you did before. You may even dread spending time with this person, but continue to do so more out of respect for your years of friendship than actually wanting them in your life.
The Backhanded Complimentor
This friend typically has a friendly persona and is a fast friend. They make you feel seen and heard with how observant they are. They may even be the first to notice when you’re stressed and are quick to come to your aid.
All those great friend qualities make it that much more difficult spot their toxic behavior of giving compliments while simultaneously insulting you. Like most of what they do, it’s subtle.
When they give a compliment, it may feel great and validating at first. But then, you find yourself thinking about their demeanor and words later on and realizing that the message doesn’t match. The message behind the compliment tends to be much more cynical and demeaning.
You can’t help but feel slightly inferior around this person. Even the most confident of us struggle with bringing it to the surface due to getting knocked down so often.
The backhanded compliments tend to intensify in message and frequency when there’s an audience around, as if this person needs to prove to others how much you’re lacking to build themselves up.
All in all, this person thrives off of shining the brightest. They don’t have the security in themselves to do that on their own terms. So, they take to tearing you down in small ways and attempt to convince you and themselves that they’re doing you a “favor” by pointing out your flaws.
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