Today, I turn 26 years old! I’m a bit relieved. Year 25 was easily the most wonderful year and the hardest year of my life. It was the year we welcomed our first baby, Sam, who is currently trying to eat the screen and help type this 🙂 It’s the year that I launched and opened The Cozie Shop. It’s filled of great memories with friends and Josh. I felt like I came into my own this year. It was also the year of weathering the storm of the NICU for 6 weeks, Sam getting surgeries, me having a surgery and a heart scare.
Overall, it’s been an intense year. As a mini-celebration, I thought I’d share with you 26 life lessons I’ve learned the hard way. These are some of the things I’ve learned through experiencing this life!
- Becoming the best at your strengths is better than being mediocre at your weaknesses. We all have weaknesses and things we generally suck at. I think there’s a lot of focus on “improving” ourselves, which is good, but it shouldn’t mean looking at only the negatives. Instead, improving yourself by honing in on what you’re good at and being the best at that thing is much more productive and fulfilling.
- Nobody has their shit together. Nobody. The older you get, the more you realize that we’re all in this “well, fuck it, I hope that’s right” space. It’s not about figuring it all out. It’s about enjoying the journey whatever the destination.
- Keeping up with the Joneses is pointless and the best way to be depressed. People will waste their life on this, especially in the age of social media. Spend your time, money, and resources figuring out what you really enjoy and do that. Whatever anyone else says or thinks is irrelevant. (And, in case you need reminding, see point #2 again. It applies to the Joneses as well.)
- Happiness isn’t a destination; it’s a viewpoint. Take it from someone who’s suffered with depression. There came a point where I was no longer trying to “be happy”, but rather accepted that happiness, like all other emotions, comes in waves. We have control over those waves and how long they last. If you want to be happy, then be.
- You deserve better than toxic relationships. Life is too short to keep people around that plague your life. Dump people that are negative, cruel, and/or demeaning. They take away the space for positivity and light.
- Kindness > everything else. Kindness is free to give. It may not always feel like the easiest thing to give, particularly in challenging situations, but it is the most worthwhile. Creating and being more kind is always at the top of my list for ways to improve because there’s never enough of it.
- There’s room for everyone. Just because someone else succeeded doesn’t mean you won’t or can’t. Just because someone else is doing well doesn’t mean you won’t or can’t. There’s plenty to go around. Living your life in a state of abundance is much better than fearing inadequacy.
- You are only human. You are going to make mistakes. You’re going to fuck up at some point. You’re going to have Life swing a bat at you. This is all part of it. And, as much as we all want to be magical wizards, we’re only human and that’s okay.
- Mistakes are opportunities. The second you stop fearing failure and see it as a new door is the moment that you will be unstoppable in chasing your dreams. Don’t fear it. Mistakes and failing means you’re trying. Learn from them to be better next time and keep going.
- It’s easy to be selfish, but it’s more rewarding to be compassionate. Selfishness is part of our nature. It comes as a self-preservation. However, that doesn’t mean it always serves us. Feeling compassion for someone and their circumstances instead of saying, “What about me?” is much more freeing.
- Not everything needs to or should be said. This is something I’m still learning. Going off point #6, the truth is not always the kindest. It’s a fine line, but an important question stands on it: What is the point of honesty if it is the cruelest option? Be honest. Be genuine. But also be thoughtful and compassionate.
- Very few things come naturally. One of the things that has frustrated me through life is when people thought that things came “easy” for me. That would be awesome, but no. What they saw was an 8-year old who could do long-division in her head. What they didn’t see was when I would spend hours after school for weeks on end doing the most insane math problems. Being labeled as the person that “has it easy” has really given me the perspective that nobody has it easy. There is so much work that goes on behind the scenes. 99% hard work, 1% luck. This should be comforting to you because that means that if you do the work to achieve, you can get wherever you want, too.
- You have limits. Again, see point #8. Life has limits. We’re all on a clock. Being mindful of your limits and gently pushing them will get you farther than burning out halfway to the finish line because you sprinted the first mile.
- It’s okay to not be okay. Life isn’t going to be coming up roses all day, every day. There’s going to be moments where Life shits on you and it really, really sucks. It’s okay (and necessary) to feel all those horrible feelings. Gather your support team close and journey through.
- There’s nothing standard about beauty standards. Nothing. Fuck beauty standards. There’s always going to be someone or something or some stupid trend telling you that you’re not good enough. (How else would they make money?) You’re beautiful. I promise you.
- You have to live according to your clock (or risk being absolutely miserable). This is the age where everyone starts looking around does this stupidly horrible thing: comparing. Yup. If you’re married with kids, you’re too young. If you’re married without kids, you’ll be bombarded with when. If you’re not married, but dating, you’ll be pressured to getting married. If you’re single, you’ll feel like you’re watching everyone get married, have babies, and then you have that aunt reminding you that your eggs are turning to dust with each second. It never ends. Go at your speed. Trust that God/universe has a plan already in motion. You will get to where you need to be on your own clock.
- Perfect is the enemy of progress. I’m still learning this one. Perfection is only perfect for procrastination and stagnation. It’s the best way to insure that you get nowhere fast. Do it and worry about the rest later.
- Having courage is better than being fearless. Anyone can be fearless and ignore reality. Courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Be brave. Be courageous.Â
- Patience will prevail over all. Do you know how many people have given up on their dreams right before the finish line because it wasn’t happening fast enough? Walk into any retirement home and see that regret. You have so much more time than you think. Patience will beat out most.
- What’s meant for you will come for you. That doesn’t mean that you don’t have to work for your goals. It means that, if you’re trying your damnest at something and it still isn’t working, then it’s okay to let go. Know that there is something better coming your way.
- If you have a negative voice in your head, it’s because someone put it there, not because it’s true. The voice telling you that you suck and that no one cares and that you’re not good enough? Probably established there by somebody else at a young age, which means it’s not true. Your voice that thinks you can is right. Give the platform to that voice instead.
- Being open-minded is much less stressful than being stubborn. I’m stubborn. But I’m learning when to hold my ground and when to drop it. Being open-minded is a requirement for growth. Growing, as painful as it is, makes you better and makes your life better. Open the door for that.
- It’s hardly ever about you. The guy who cut you off in traffic. That lady in the supermarket that just gave you, um, hello the judgiest look ever?! Your coworker having a tone with you that makes you think that you’re obviously the most annoying person to work with. Rarely does it have to do with you. People are in their own heads much more often than they’re paying attention to other people. Nobody’s looking at you. Nobody’s intentionally hating on you. Everyone else has just as vivid as a life as you do and probably has a mountain of their own crap they’re going through. You’re okay. You’re good.
- You are the only one who can fully judge because no one else has the same context. Going off the previous point, we get so caught up in what others think about us that it can hemorrhage our ability to get out there and live. People will judge you. Friends and family will have an opinion. But, you are the only one who can judge what to do for you because you are the only one that knows the entire story.
- Change is the only constant. Trying to grit your teeth and prevent change is futile. Change may be scary, but it can also be really, really good. Know that we’re designed to adapt and trust that things will turn out alright in the end.
- It’s much simpler to ride the wave than to control the tide. You never know what shore you may turn up on.
That was a lot longer than I was planning, but there they all are! I’m off to enjoy the rest of this day. Please don’t hesitate to write in if you have your own life lessons you’d like to share! Cheers!
