Obviously, these 10 Commandments aren’t the only ones you should live by. If you’ve explored this site, then you know there are many different angles as to what constitutes a healthy relationship. Each relationship is unique and different, even if it involves the same people years after the initial dating period. These 10 Commandments are perhaps the most sacred aspects of a relationship, but not the only. If you are dating, in a relationship, engaged, married, or single, read on to discover

1. Thou shall not commit adultery.

This should be a “duh” moment, yet, up to 3 out of 5 people who are married will cheat at some point during the marriage. Not to mention, infidelity is not limited to physical cheating. It can also include emotional infidelity, which can damage a relationship more in hindsight. Don’t just take my word for it though; check out this article that gives you loads of dirty details.
The point is clear: no one is immune to cheating. You can just as easily be cheated on as the one cheating. Therefore, this bad boy commandment is ranked #1. Guard your heart, my friend.

2. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s relationship.

This slightly goes hand-in-hand with #1 and is open to a wide variety of interpretations. So, let’s explore some quick points, shall we?

• Do not get sucked into believing that someone’s relationship is better because it looks better. In the age of social media, we are pros at deception. While a couple can look ideal on Instagram, it may be a complete shitshow in-person. Spending time envying appearances is a waste. Combat the envy by focusing on making your relationship great and pick up a free copy of a glorious workbook on it by signing up for it here.
• Do not go for the trap of falling for someone else’s partner. He may look like he has it all together. She may seem like the best girlfriend in the world. However, you’re teetering on the edge of deception, again. Even if you’re single, lusting over somebody who is blatantly unavailable is a mistake. You have no idea how that person actually is in a relationship unless you experience it first-hand.
• Do not become so focused on what other people are doing that your relationship becomes stagnant. This can be easy to do considering that everybody seems to be doing something way more exciting than you. Your friends are getting married while you’re wondering if your boyfriend wants marriage. Your friends are having babies, but you’re not financially there yet. That amazing married couple is taking yet another fun trip overseas and the greatest recent vacation you’ve had is to the grocery store. Focusing on others’ “successes” not only downgrades your own, but puts your relationship on hold so you can live vicariously through someone else. Focus on your day-to-day and what you can do today to enhance your relationship for the better.

3. Thou shall not read minds.

Ah, one the greatest sins of relationships. We become so comfortable and self-assured that we begin assuming our partner’s emotions and potential reactions. This often comes in the form of,  “Well, I did/didn’t do such-and-such because you would’ve [insert reaction here]”. We’re all guilty of it. However, the majority can be wrong, so don’t sit in the comfort of commonality too long. Instead of assuming your partner’s reaction to a situation, perform the task and then talk to them about it afterwards. Ask them how they feel about said situation and to elaborate on their emotions. Listen to understand, not to respond.

4. Thou shall be a team.

Egos like to run the show. There are times when we want what we want and tough for everyone else. This is no way to behave in a loving relationship. There is no Me Before You in real life. Instead, a relationship should be viewed as a team effort. The sayings of, “It takes two” and “Two is better than one” could not be more applicable. Though it’s tempting to go at it alone and center the spotlight on us, by doing so, we ignore a large part of us: the partner, the ultimate teammate. When it comes to a thriving relationship, teamwork makes the dreamwork. Head on challenges together instead of carrying the load alone.

5. Thou shall fight fair.

If you’re going to fight, then do it like champions. If you’re not fighting at all, your relationship may be dead in the water. Fighting means that you two still care, which is important. However, when the waters get rough, don’t splash them in your partner’s face. The goal is to remain calm and focus on understanding the other person’s perspective. It’s not about right versus wrong. It’s about “me” versus “us”. Do you want to be a “me” or an “us”? Fighting fair is an incredibly important skill in relationships. Learn more about it here.

6. Thou shall make decisions in thy partner’s best interest.

When I have to make a challenging decision, I always ask myself, “Is this in the best interest of Josh (my fiance)?” This not only includes challenging decisions, like which grad school to go to, if the job requiring relocation is worth taking, etc., but also with my words. This especially holds true with heated arguments where Josh is not present. So, I challenge you, the next time you go to make a decision to alter your current situation or the next time you go to speak, ask yourself, “Is this in the best interest of my partner?” Keep this in mind when dealing with his/her family and friends, as well.

7. Thou shall keep dates sacred.

If you’ve been in your current relationship for awhile, it’s easy to slip into a pattern. This pattern is what most people call a “rut”. However, I don’t think it’s negative to adhere to a routine. Yet, you need to examine if that routine is bettering your relationship and letting diminish. A routine of coming home, eating dinner while scrolling through your feed, and then sitting side-by-side watching TV in silence afterwards is not a relationship. Dates are an important aspect of every prosperous relationship. At least once a week, spend some time with your loved one exploring new areas of your hometown, trying a new restaurant, or getting outside. Unless somebody dies, do not reschedule (work does not count as somebody dying).

8. Thou shall not gossip.

We all have annoying little habits. This commandment is particularly applicable to women because we tend to be more interested in others relationships than men. I love confiding in my friends and my mother when it comes to my concerns. They know a scary amount of information about me. However, there’s a fine line between voicing your concerns and trash talking. Your relationship does not have to be kept a vague mystery, yet, it’s important to respect the boundaries. Ask yourself, “Is communicating this information portraying my partner in the best light or will it give people a warped perception of who they are?”

9. Thou shall not project thy own emotions.

We’re all guilty of this from one time or another. This can come in various forms. One of the more common forms is blaming. “Well, if you didn’t do [insert action], I wouldn’t have said/done [insert action]”. Even more popular: “You make me feel [ugly emotion]”. Own your emotions. Swap “you make me feel” for “I feel [specific emotion] when you [specific action]”.

In addition, some relationships fall into the nasty pit of handling each others’ emotions instead of allowing the individual to handle them alone. This is part of codependency. You can not take somebody’s pain away, as much as you love them and wish that you could. In turn, your partner cannot do the same for you, even if they would in a heartbeat. We are the keeper of our emotions. Be weary of dumping baggage on your partner’s shoulders and walking away.

10. Thou shall commit to love before ego.

As mentioned before, we want what we want. However, being in an authentic and prosperous relationship requires an immense amount of humility. It implores you to live by the law that there is no right or wrong. It challenges you to love instead of get even, spit hateful things, and throw in the towel when waters are rough. It requires your attention, your livelihood, your compassion, even when there are days when you feel as though you have none. A relationship is saying, “You before me”, even when we go through moments where we desire the spotlight. Commit to love before you commit to your ego. You can’t have both. Choose love.