Break-ups are hard, no matter who’s doing the heartbreaking. When you’re breaking up with someone, you always want to remain in the driver’s seat, emotionally. Otherwise, you risk being hijacked and not following through one way or the other. It’s also important to stay gentle and sensitive during this time while setting clear boundaries for your own self-preservation. Here is a game-plan for how to break-up with someone.
Just because you’re doing the heartbreaking doesn’t mean you’re safe from having your heartbroken. It’s completely normal to feel sad after a break-up, even if you’re the initiator. Do some grieving prior to breaking up. I don’t mean months before, but carve out a day before where you can have some “me” time. I cannot emphasize how important it is to go into this break-up being as emotionally stable as you can. It makes things a lot easier during the process. Have expectations that you will need some “recovery” down time after the break-up as well.
Set a time limit.
It’s best to break-up with someone face-to-face. However, if you can’t because of distance or danger, then do it via Skype. Make plans to be somewhere after the break-up. A friend’s house is a great place because then they can hold you accountable for being there. Allot no more than an hour and no less than 20 minutes for the break-up. This time limit is important because it makes for a cleaner break and does not give enough time for any emotional entrapment from either party.
Remain calm and neutral.
Your partner will most likely be very upset by this situation. There may be crying, yelling, screaming, etc. It’s important that you remain calm, neutral, and emotionally in control. The best way to handle this is to say things, “I understand that. I’m sorry, but this relationship is not working for me any more”. Do not offer alternative explanations other than your initial one. That just leaves more room for emotional explosions. Stick to saying the same thing, repeatedly if need be. And, remember your time limit.
The whole point of a break-up is to end something. By still responding to text, email, phone calls, snaps, Facebook messages, tweets, etc., you are not letting it end. Block their phone number. Unfollow them on Facebook. If they keep trying to reach out to you, block, block, block. You are not their friend. You have made a decision to end a relationship, so you need to end it. End communication, including any information your friends or his friends pass on to you.