Our parents want the best for us. However, there’s a fine line between pushing us to be better and being unsupportive. It’s a challenge to know where that line is drawn: it may be obvious in some situations and vague in another. Usually, we find ourselves going to lean on support that isn’t there when it comes to careers, love life, our own parenting techniques, and even our college major of choice. While, from afar, it may seem like our parents are playing no role at all by being unsupportive, they’re actually play a huge role. It takes a toll on us. It leaves us to question and doubt our choices and feel exasperated. Here’s how to handle unsupportive parents.
The bottom line is that we want our parents to be on our side. However, when it feels like a war, you need to be able to detach yourself and remain solid in your own individual identity. Our parents opinions are important to us because of who they are and the role they play in our lives. Yet, it does not serve us to attach our emotions and let our dreams piggy-back on negative thoughts and opinions. Detach from their opinion. Acknowledge it as a perspective, say to yourself “How interesting”, and then let it be. Don’t let it infest your life.
Categorize the piles of trash.
Our parents are not perfect humans and, like anybody, come with their own baggage. It’s time to separate their shit from your shit. Are these opinions really about your life or are they about their fears and regrets? Usually, it’s the latter. When somebody judges you, it’s typically an outward judgment of themselves. Is your career choice really a failure or do they feel like their career makes them look like a “loser”? Is your relationship really bad for you or is their relationship in shambles? You can’t take out someone else’s pile of trash and you can’t wade through somebody’s shit for them. You have to deal with your cards; let them deal with theirs.
You do you.
Even if your parents aren’t on your side, you need to be on your side. Doubt and fear will inevitably be major players in this situation so it’s important that you follow through on your dreams, sans unwanted and negative opinions. Your parents are not the end all, be all when it comes to having a say on your choices. This is your life. You hold the reigns. Don’t forfeit your power to somebody else. You are intelligent, competent, and more than capable of being able to think for yourself.
Know when to invite and when to hold back.
Just because your parents are unsupportive does not mean that you need to nix them all together. However, it’s essential that you limit the amount of information you supply. They only know what you tell them. If they are negative and unsupportive about a current situation, then do not give them excessive details. Those details will only be turned against you and used to wreck havoc. Instead, provide them with the essentials. Invite them to participate in relative events, such as birthday parties for the kids or your college graduation. If there’s still excessive negativity at these events, then it’s probably time to examine ways to cut back more. It won’t feel good, but you need to do what’s in your best interest for your prosperity and for any other loved ones involved.
There are times when our parents are unsupportive because we are truly about to harm ourselves in some way. During these times, it’s important to remain open-minded and not make any fast moves. Are you acting reckless in any way with your career, kids, marriage, relationship, friends, alcohol, recreational drugs, etc.? This article is not an excuse to ignore people who are genuinely and sincerely concerned about your health. If you need help, accept it.